The New Life

We actually did something in Pre-Calc and just like I remember from geometry Mr. Scott does nothing but talk to Mr. Gibbson half the period, teaches 10 minutes of it (if that's what you can call it) and goes back to talk to Gibbson. See the thing is Mr. Scott is too smart for high schoolers...math is not my forte by any means. Yet to him it's very easy and understandable and he doesn't quite get that it's WAY above our heads. Sometimes it just seems like he'd rather be doing something other than teaching and could care less about educating us. Maybe it's just me.

And in government our new teacher is going to be a VERY good teacher. Yes, he's fresh out of college but he has his act together. He's very intimidating to a lot of students, myself included. He has a good sense of humor but I think he's just trying to establish teacher-student right now. The fact that he's a tall, African American, male with a deep voice gives him a great advantage too. But it's not about that, he has the personality of a teacher. I'm actually very amazed at how well he has everything put together...how well he has everything planned. I know I'll like the class and the teacher...I'm just a little shy at this moment in time.

I did have to walk home from school today with two books in the rain. I wasn't thrilled about it, but I did it. It gave me time to think as well. (dangerous, I know) I actually came up with something that I'm sure you all agree with. I have a lot of growing up to do. I am an immature person. I am a spoiled person. I'm very quick to get upset with others and accuse them of ignorance, selfishness, and hypocracy and blind to all of those that live within myself. Because whether I like to admit it or not, they do. They are in everyone to a degree. But being blind to them forever isn't going to make them disappear. Acknowledging their existence and HOW they are a part of me, then making an effort to fix them is how they will diminish. They may never fully go away as nobody is perfect and nobody will be. I think a lot about that too...why do we all strive to achieve perfection within ourselves if no such thing exists? Why try to correct my hypocracy or my ignorance if it's to please other people?  I have always tried to sort out what I want versus what other want of me.  If I were to pick out something to wear I would ask myself, "is this what I want to wear or what people want me to wear?"  While this is admired by people, it is also my downfall.  I tend to try TOO hard to be myself and cut myself off from society.  I go against what's popular or "in" just because it's popular.  I may like it, yes, but simply because so many people like it I'm convinced it's not me.  So really, I have been doing exactly what I didn't want.  I also realized I expect too much pity from people.  After growing up being taught a fantastical religion where peace can exsist on Earth and people are "good" and "compassionate" if you just open them up to God.  Which I know now isn't the case.  Yes, people are good and compassionate for the most part, but you have to earn your compassion.  You can't fall and scrape your knee and expect anyone to pity you.  You have to work two jobs, go through school, struggle to make your life something worth while for anyone to pity you.  I need to work on that...I don't want to keep expecting people to pity me.  I should know I have a very nice and easy life...not perfect by any means but nobody's is.  Despite what they say on TV, that product will not make you or yourself any closer to perfection than you already are.  So if everyone has their own struggles, why should only mine be pitied?  Millions of millions have it way worse than I do.  I'm getting a bit better at appreciating life and the good in my life...now I just need to take it one step further.

I will continue to be annoyed with people and their immaturity, selishness, brattiness, and what not...but now my new challenge is to take those things that annoy me and try to apply them to myself and my life.  What do I do, what do I say, what do I think that will fall into the category of this thing I hate so much.

Two days of school and I came up with that...

No song today, I don't really feel like uploading anything.

Until next time, I bid you goodbye,

-Kathryn